The Beginning of My Journey: Less me, More Him

Well, this is my first blog for this site and I am so excited! I truly believe that God wants me to share with all you parents and students what He has done in my life since I turned 40!  I am now almost 53 years old and so thankful for the second chance,I believe, He has given me as a Christian, wife, and mother.  I feel as if before I tell you some of the things that God has taught me over the past 13 years, I should tell you my testimony.   

I grew up in Southern California until I went to college.  I am of Japanese descent, and I am blessed and thankful for the godly heritage I have growing up in a Christian home from birth.   So many wonderful memories I have of my childhood growing up in a Christian school and church. I accepted Jesus as my personal Savior December 1975.   I then went on to Bible college at 18.  I graduated at 21 and went to work there and met my wonderful husband, Eric.  To be honest, I thought that I would never get married but serve the Lord as a single woman.   But He had other plans for me, and so on July 30, 1988, Eric and I were married.  We have been married for 29 years,to the glory of God, and I'm thankful for what God has taught me about marriage in just the past 5 years! We are blessed with five wonderful children- Matthias (26), Josiah (24), Ezekiel (17), Chloe (16), and Gloryann (11).   Matthias is now married to Susanna and has given us one beautiful granddaughter Alayna (2).  Josiah is about to marry in October and my other children just started school today!  My youngest girl has a rare chromosome deficiency called 22Q13 Deletion or the Phelan/McDermid Syndrome.  Please fill free to look that up on the internet.  She has been one of the greatest challenges and blessings in my life as a mom and she will pop up in many of my future blogs!

Anyway, I'm Carolann Capaci and that is my testimony.  Over the past 13 years.... God has been doing some amazing transforming in my life, for my life to look more like Christ.  I'm not a perfect or even a good Christian, but one that is looking more like Christ.  And that is one of the reasons that I agreed to do this blog.  I have never done anything like this before.  I do believe that God has told me it is time to share what He has been doing in my life to His glory.  I did not agree to do this blog because I have ALL the answers, or because I have obtained parental perfection, In fact, I agreed because I don't have all the answers, and God keeps showing me how to parent my children in all the different stages of life.  One married and out-of-the-house, one to be married, two in high school, and one in elementary who is special needs.  Boy! wears me out just thinking about it!  Oh! and I forgot my precious granddaughter-two years of age! 

I had lived my life trying to please Him and everyone around me,what had I done to deserve this?!

I want to begin my testifying by explaining why I feel so much has happened in the last 13 years. When I turned 40 God really started me on a new discovery of His amazing love for me.  I was so excited to turn 40, feeling as if I had such a great life. I had a great hubby and four beautiful children, a great church, and a pretty "normal" life.  But when I turned 40 years old, due to my illness of ulcerative colitis I found myself at death's door-literally.  I was home trying to be cared for with natural remedies and the ladies of our church were so wonderful to come and do all my household chores including caring for my 4 children.  I was only able to sit in a recliner in pain and just get through one more day and the only time I left house was to go to the doctor.  After 2 1/2 months, my father passed away, then, I entered into the hospital for a 3 week stay.  But it was at that time, when I experienced the amazing love of God for me like never before.  I figured that He was mad at me or I had done something really wrong to end up here in this state!  That is when I cried out to Him and asked Him what I did to upset Him. I had lived my life trying to please Him and everyone around me,what had I done to deserve this?!  I had only tried to live for Him, be the best wife, the best mom, and the best pastor's wife my whole life!  What had I done?

In the quiet of my hospital room, the Lord spoke to me through His Word so clearly, He said, "I never expected you to do all these things for me, I just want you to know who I am! I love you and I don't require all those things for me to love you.!"  I had been living my life like Martha, "cumbered about with much" instead of sitting at the feet of Jesus as Mary did.  Well, I have to say, He got my attention!  As I lay there in the hospital bed those three weeks, He begin to show me so much as I listened to His Word on CD.  I was so ill, I couldn't even read...I could listen quietly to Christian music and the Bible on tape.  He gave me Psalm 30...the entire chapter but especially Psalms 30:9 which states, "What profit is there in my blood, when I go down to the pit? Shall the dust praise thee? shall it declare thy truth?" and Psalm 30:12 which states, "To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent.  O Lord my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever."  As I was sitting there pondering over the verses, I asked the Lord, "Who will praise you if I die? Who will declare thy truth?"  And He lovingly asked me, "Well do you praise me now?"  I wanted to answer back right away "YES!"  but then it came to me that my whole life I had been living to be the "best wife, best mom, best Christian, etc." so that people would think good of me.  I thought I was bringing glory to Him by doing those things, but in all reality, I was doing it for my glory.  I wanted people, and God, to be pleased with me instead of bringing glory to God in my life.  I asked Him to forgive me right away, and told Him "to the end, that my glory would sing praise to Him and not be silent."  I so desired the praise of man, and that was what kept me living the Christian life as I did.  I understood, then, that God wanted my life to bring glory to Him and not to myself.  Wow! The first step in my testimony!  To not want to be a good Christian or good wife or good mom so others would see it, but that I lived my life that Jesus would be seen in me! And thus my journey began...

I understood, then, that God wanted my life to bring glory to Him and not to myself.

So my first word of advice to you as a parent is to ask yourself, not what others say you are as a parent, or what your kids say you are, but does your life as a parent bring glory to God?  Really just ponder that thought.  Everyday I parent, I want my kids to see Jesus in me.  And the way I parented before, they didn't see Him too often!  They often saw a tired, frustrated, overwhelmed me!  My prayer is that they see Jesus and others see Jesus in me as I parent.  He's changed me!

I'll be back next month, asking God what nugget He wants me to share.  Until then, I love you! That is another nugget that is coming your way!  God has shown me so much about love and the way He parents me!